By Adrian Ruiz
Cheating, bad break ups, family and friend confrontations, almost all personal problems end in grudges or the typical “don’t talk to me ever again, just don’t” attitude. The person doesn’t want to be the one that admits they are wrong for what they’ve done, and hope you will come clean instead. Once the damage is done there is nothing you can do to change what that person thinks of you. So, what is there to lose in forgiving someone important in your life for wronging you? Forgiving is an important step in the process of healing and making up, it takes great courage to see beyond a person’s mistakes, but sadly most people don’t know how to forgive.
In our lives we are always told that in order to forgive, someone else has to say “sorry.” After my own personal experiences, I have come to the conclusion that I always find myself forgiving numerous people.. However, the question is how do you? I hold my friends very close to my heart, they are almost like family to me, and for one family member to betray me and act like he no longer cared about anything anymore can be viewed as plain wrong.
My friend Bill* and I go back to the winter of 2014, we had been acquaintances, but after a couple of weeks we became the closest of friends for two years. We shared everything: our struggles, our fears, even the day to day “what’s new with you” conversation. I told him everything because I truly trusted him. At one point, I had even trusted Bill with information concerning someone who I simply could not afford to lose in my life, and I was so happy to share with him about the sudden state of positivity I had found myself in. Sadly, Bill took my trust for granted, telling other people about the things I had entrusted him with.
After the next few weeks that important “someone” in my life slowly and slowly stopped talking to me because of Bill. I began to feel severely depressed, locking myself in my room all day, watching old movies, because I could no longer talk to this person, whom I happened to love so much and hold so close to my heart. The depression turned into a ruthless anger, leading to isolation and sudden lashes of fury. People no longer wanted to talk to me. After the whole affair, lasting about 2 months, I thought I would never be able to forgive Bill for what he put me through.
I would see him almost every weekend, but every time I saw him, I no longer felt the connection between us. I felt betrayed. Every time I saw him, I would ask if he would betray me, yet he denied and lied saying, “No I would never do that to you.” After a couple weeks I let it go, months passed and I jokingly asked again until he finally owned up. Seconds later I forgave him. How you ask? Even if he did put me through a great depression I understood Bill, I was able to relate and understand what he did. I can see how anyone else would make such a silly mistake, I can even see myself doing what he did.
Yes, forgiving is hard, forgetting is harder. But as humans, we are prone to making mistakes and making decisions based off poor judgement. In order to forgive we must put ourselves into the other person’s shoes and ask ourselves: “Is being right really worth more than losing a valuable friendship?”
*Name has been changed