From Heartbreak to Descent

By Jocelyn You

The teenage years are often associated with falling in love for the first time. Ultimately, it’s just young people drunk off the idea of being in love. Simple. Although this may not be true for all, many hearts get caught up in love and all the glory there is to it. For a while, it’s perfect-beyond your dreams. It may even transform into a forever love-a high school sweetheart. You fall deeper and deeper into this person, and you might even think you need them to breathe. But as the saying goes, “All good things gotta come to an end.” So what do you do when your heart is truly broken for the first time?

Whether you’re a boy or girl, the initial shock of a breakup is sickening. You might spend your time screaming and crying on the floor, in the shower, in the car, at school. You might forget to eat, might forget to sleep. You wake up in the middle of the night. Multiple times. All because of a dream involving the person you loved. It’s like the world you thought you knew is crashing down. You can’t breathe. The walls are suffocating. You just want it to end. It’s one of the most painful, emotional feelings known to the human race-heartbreak.

While it’s true that all good things come to an end, it’s equally true that everything is temporary-the good and the bad. The bad of a heartbreak doesn’t last forever, even though it may seem like it’ll never end. You’re not alone in this. Heart to heart, I promise that one day you’ll wake up and everything will just be better. Without explanation, things will just be day, and it’ll be easier to breathe, easier to loosen up and smile. Over time, you learn to eat a little more, sleep a little longer. This might take two days or it might take two years, but it definitely won’t happen in under twenty four hours. So until you’re able to fully recover and pick your head back up, consider doing the following:

  • Start a journal. People find themselves in a variety of things, but some fall face first in love with writing. Write down your thoughts at 2pm when you’re standing in the kitchen, not knowing what to do with your hands and your thoughts at 2am when you wake up wanting to scream. Write it down. You’ll be able to look back at it and see how your handwriting differs with your mood and how jumbled your thoughts are. It’s beautiful to see how far you’ve come, so make sure to keep note of it.
  • Make plans with friends, but make sure you’re okay alone as well. Being in a relationship might isolate you from your friends and might stop new relationships from forming. Be spontaneous and go out. Plan out big trips like camping or Disneyland. Get distracted. Laugh with other people. But be able to do things alone. Go on a drive along PCH-just you and your music. Spend a night in bed alone watching movies. Learn to be happy with others and with yourself.
  • Play music. Blast it. Play it quietly. Explore different genres; find what makes you feel something. Remember that you’re blessed to be able to hear sounds and have them make you feel some type of way. Not everyone has that ability, so make sure you utilize it. Reggae music will make you happy. Beats will calm you down. Hip hop will energize you. Rock will get your anger out. Whatever it is you’re listening to, dance to it, scream out the lyrics, drive down the freeway with your windows down and the music blasting, make new memories to it, fall in love with yourself while having the music be the soundtrack to your life.
  • Find something you love. There’s not much to this one. Whatever it is you love, go out and do it. It could be from something as simple as taking nightly walks to something as bold as skydiving. Find something that you want to do for the rest of your life and get excited to do it each time.
  • Change. Change your appearance. Change your thoughts. Change your attitude. Change is good. I know people will always talk down on you for wanting to change just because of a breakup, but block it out. Change will help you grow as a person. You’ll find parts of yourself that you love, but you didn’t even know you had.
  • Remember that the past is exactly that-the past. It’ll never be able to be relived, and you’ll never be able to recreate moments and feelings. Cherish what you once had, but don’t be afraid to venture out into the future. Life is full of surprises, and the universe gives you exactly what you need at all the right times. Be willing to accept the future and let go of the past. It’ll do you good.
  • Don’t be afraid to form new relationships, whether they be friendly or romantic. People will come and go all throughout your life, but think about how much of a blessing it is to meet these people. They continuously teach you lessons about life and about yourself. Think about how beautiful it is to form these relationships. You were in the right place at the right time. You said the right words. Something clicked. Hold onto the genuine relationships for as long as you can. Let go of those who are no good for you. It’s not your fault. It’s not their fault. Relationships deteriorate when you’re six and when you’re sixty. It’s life.


“Songs To Break Up To” by Ta-Ku Beats

This album shows a process from being heartbroken to finally moving on. Listen to it when you’re sad. Listen to it at night. Listen to it when you need a reminder that things will get better.

“Day 1 is hard

Day 4 is harder

Week 1 is easier

Week 3 is shaky

Month 2 I think I may cave

Month 6 I think I am free

Year 1 “I won’t lie I miss it but oh god my smile has never been more real and I’m finally alive again.” – a quote on recovery

“1. Wash your hair. It’s been two weeks since you’ve gotten out of bed. You’re crying too hard for a boy who doesn’t know that when you were born, the doctors found stars in your bloodstream.

  1. He’s not worth the blackouts and shaky hands. Eat something. He’s just a boy who pulled you in too deep. You don’t need him to save you. Get yourself out.
  2. Latch your heart shut. Save the key for a boy who wouldn’t mind picking the lock and make him give it back when he leaves. You are a hurricane, not a stitched up chest that he can rip open and led bleed every time he’s bored or misses your voice.
  3. Wear the dress you wore on your first date with him every night this week. Make new memories in it so you don’t see him every time you open your closet. You don’t need him.
  4. A hot bubble bath, tea, chocolate, a blank sheet of paper, and paint can fix things for a night. I hope your bedroom becomes an art gallery. I hope you paint the walls and not your skin.
  5. I still have love letters from my first boyfriend in the attic. You might not forget him, but you sure as hell won’t always miss him. I won’t let you.
  6. Sleep on the floor when your bed feels too empty without him. I’ll bring you extra pillows and blankets.
  7. I’m sure he’s heartbroken over you, too.
  8. No, she’s not prettier than you, babygirl.
  9. I raised you to be the ocean. Not the pools of blood on your sleeves.
  10. He is not the same person you fell in love with. He doesn’t need your voice to fall asleep anymore and that’s okay. You’re in love with a stranger now. You don’t know him. He’s not the boy you kissed last weekend. So let him go. You’re not letting go of the boy you fell asleep with three months ago. You’re letting go of someone who doesn’t care if you fall asleep crying or not.
  11. Don’t let him wipe away your tears. His fingers are razor blades and your cheeks will drip with blood. Don’t let him turn your freckles red.
  12. You are the world. He’s lucky that you let him live in it for so long, but he hasn’t been paying rent. Kick him out. He doesn’t deserve you.
  13. You will find someone else to give yourself to, but not all of you. Keep some for yourself.” – Things my mom told her dying daughter

“When they decide they don’t love you anymore, here is what you do: Move on quietly. Love yourself loudly.”

One Comment Add yours

  1. viviana says:

    jyou you are perfect i love this!

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